I have hit one of those walls. Ya know those ones where you stop and ask yourself why you are doing what you are doing. I do everything for everyone else. Obviously I do everything for DJ, but he is my son. But with Tim and my parents I do everything that everyone asks and it is taking its toll on me. I neglect doing anything for myself and I really wish that anyone would take notice and at least appreciate what I do let alone reciprocate.
It has now been 8 days since Tim's blow up with his mother. No one has called him and he said he has no plans to contact them. He pointed out to her how he feels like she is putting DJ off and not making any effort to see him and she responded with saying he was just trying to guilt trip her. I love how he tried to share his feelings and she spit all over them. He was trying to point out how she does everything that his sister asks and more (even as far as his sister sending her DIRTY DISHES to his mom and her washing and returning them) and she does nothing to help us. It's not that we even need her help... well except the day I was sick and needed to go to the doctor but she was too busy watching Harrison and the neighbor girls. Maybe if she had kept her nose out of the neighbors drama she would have had time for her family. But I think that is the problem... she doesn't see Tim as family. She goes out of her way to do things for his sister such as driving to her house, getting Harrison to watch him, driving home with him and watching him for the day then running him back home when his sister calls and says she wants her child back. I guess that is what family is all about... though I think that is an abusive relationship because Tim's sister is definitely abusing his mothers want/need to help.
Back to the 'no calls' thing. I'm shocked that no one, not even Tim's dad, has called. Tim was so upset and told his mother how he feels like she doesn't even love him anymore and that he has always felt that his parents have had a favorite child. I would have thought that if this were untrue, as she claimed it was, that she would have made an effort to see her grandson. Nothing.... I guess the only plus side to them deciding they do not want us in their life anymore would be that we will not have to explain to DJ in the future why things are so different between him and his cousin.
Somehow, I can see them thinking that Tim needs to apologize. I don't know how anyone could possibly expect him to apologize for how he feels and sees things. I feel so bad for him because this is his only family, and he won't be able to share his son's life with them as they seem to have chosen to not be a part of it. Tim has sat and listened to both of his parents complain about each other and money and spending habits and not cast anyone out of his life for the HELL they have put him through and yet at his first sign of having feelings they cast him off like last weeks trash. I wish I knew what to do, but he has seemed depressed lately. I want to suggest him going to see a therapist to talk about how he feels but I don't know if he would go for that. I would love for him to go see his dads therapist (about himself, not his dad) so that the therapist can get an idea of the relationship between the two from both sides and thus would be better able to help Tim. The whole therapist thing has been a touchy subject too. I cannot remember how many times Tim's mother has wanted him to go 'set that therapist straight' because SHE was having problems with his DAD. Those two needed to sit down, not Tim taking a notebook with her complaints. But, as per usual, she wants the world to fix her problems so she doesn't have to lift a finger, just like with her damn dog. I had to do all that work for her and had she just recognized that it was her choice to leave her dog there then I wouldn't have wasted a few weeks of my life.
That dog thing is just another example of me going above and beyond without any reciprocation. She chose to leave her dog at an iffy vet to do surgery which was done after 3 or 4 (?) days and was unsuccessful. Had she just taken her dog after two days of 'surgery will be done today' and it not happening then she could have had a reliable vet do the surgery. Alas, she left her there to die. And after that choice she decided to not pay her vet bill (because he killed her dog, of course) and to try to get his vet license revoked. Yes, the guy had a horrible track record and was on probation at the time but he had evidence to prove that her dog was terminal anyways. None of that negates the fact that she left her dog there to die, essentially. And after all of the work I went through and my dog passing what did she do? No a damn thing. They brought dinner to us, fast food and at that it was KFC which I just about hate. She couldn't even lift her finger to make a real meal or to even drive to a damn restaurant that I like. No further mention of my poor dog. Hell, she was on the other side of the state and wouldn't return our phone calls so she didn't even know about it until 3 days later. I guess I really get what I deserve because I am helpful to such ungrateful people.
Okay, not everyone is ungrateful because my parents go above and beyond for the three of us. And Tim is grateful but sucks at showing it and really has no clue how to reciprocate it. I just wish he would try! I wouldn't care if he chose a crappy restaurant and the food sucked, to have him plan a date night would be awesome. And not a "the three of us are going here'' date night. I want a "lets drop DJ off at your parents house and go here" kind of date night. I love being around DJ, but I would love to eat just one meal hot! Usually one of us ends up eating first, then passing DJ to the other while the second one eats. I want to enjoy a meal with Tim.
Holy crap, look at how much I was able to write before DJ woke up! That meaning he is stirring next to me and wants his butt changed and a bottle :)
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